THIS IS DAATAAAAAAA!!!

I'm sorry. I just had to post this.

You are Crunchy?

This little phrase was forwarded to me by my mother and I thought I would share it with you. 1t 1z t3h k001x0r5! =)

Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons
For you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

College Humor Videos

I found this link to College Humor which has loads of videos. It is not humor for everyone. With a little taste here is a link to their Dramatic Lemur as a follow up to the Dramatic Chipmunk post I made earlier. Not all are work friendly due to language. I do not know about anything else to be concerned about for work.

Gore I am!

This wandered its way around the internet following Al Gore's loss for his presidential bid which had a crap load of screwed up ballot counts in Florida. It was most definitely funny at the time. I give props to Al Gore now. He has gone on to do some great work since that time. This was posted on my original website as well.

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Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?

If I do not like the count, I will simply throw them out!
I will not let this vote count stand I do not like them, AL GORE I am!

Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
T his is not fair, this is not fun

Lets count them upside down this time Lets count until the state is mine!
I will not let this VOTE count stand! I do not like it, AL GORE I am!

I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I'll count the ballots one by one And hold each one up to the sun!
I'll count, recount, and count some more!

You'll grow to hate this little chore
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand! I do not like it, Al Gore I am!

I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here!
I've glued my desk chair to my rear!

Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too, all telling me that I should sue!
We find the Electoral College vile! RECOUNT the votes until I smile!

We do not want this vote to stand!
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!

How shall we count this ballot box?
Let's count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!

I do not want this vote to stand! I do not like it AL GORE I am!
I've counted till my fingers bleed!

And still can't fulfill my counting need! I'll count the tiles on the floor!
I'll count, and count, and count some more!

And I will not say that I am done!
Until the counting says I've won!

I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!

What's that? What?
What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you're wrong you'll see!
You're only care should be for me!

I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!

I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!

38 Things you would love to say at work but cannot

Here is another 'forward' that I posted on my original website.

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1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it  my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're  saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust ofstrangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Chain Letter to End All Chainletters

Here is a 'forward' that I received and had posted on my original site that was pretty funny, but significantly more liscivious than I would normally post so do not think that this is going to be the norm around here. Thanks!

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Chain Letter to End All Chainletters

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing.

I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being'" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS :

Chain Letter Type 1 (scroll down)

 

Make a wish!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really, go on and make one!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wish something else!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not that, you pervert!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is your finger getting tired yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STOP!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

• Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
• Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
• Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
• Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Thanks!!!!

Good Luck!!!

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Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen Fund . Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

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Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

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Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

• A friend is someone who is always at your side,
• A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
• A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
• A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
• A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
• A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
• A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,
• A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts!

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Conclusion

There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Klaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say:

"#$@%^(@$# CHAIN LETTERS!!"

The Dramtic Chipmunk

I promise you that I will not be posting a lot of this sort of stuff, but here is a 5 second video full of intense drama called 'The Dramatic Chipmunk'.

Bat-Squirrel?

Tanya enjoys taking pictures of the squirrels that are found around my mother's bird feeders. We had and unusual moment where a squirrel was determined to get munching from our feeder and Tanya happened to get an interesting picture of it. I have some potentially humorous captions below it. If you have a better caption post it.

• "I am Bat-Squirrel."
• *waves a tiny paw and says* "This is not the squirrel you're looking for."
• "Squirrel? What Squirrel?"
• "Crap!"
• "Maybe they will not notice me if I stay still?"
• "Maybe, if I ignore them they will go away?"

Gift Cards?

So, we have this ephemeral gift for the lazy called the 'Gift Card'. Why would anyone inflict this scourge upon another especially during a holiday when we should be extolling love, family, friendship, and companionship. It is like saying 'Here. Go buy your own damn gift as I cannot be bothered the moment or three to think of buying a real one for you.'.

Oh, and it gets better. Not only does the giver not care so much, but the receiver has to take the time to pick out their own gift. They have to take the time to decide what to get out of the vast plethora of things that the store has to offer. The moral and intellectual quandry that this incites is painful and stressful. Why are you trying to inflict this state upon another that you care enough to think about getting a gift for. Surely they are at least semi-important to you and you might care about them at least a little bit. Happy Freak'n Christmas. Muahahahahahahahahah!

The hapless receiver will be going through the following 'How do I choose the best use of this gift card? Do I buy something with it that will use it up? Should I save it to buy something later? Do I buy something that is more expensive and foot the rest of the bill? Do I buy something that I want or something that I need? Which will make me feel less guilty?. Maybe I should use this to by something for someone else?'

All I have to say to you gift card buyers out there is 'You sadistic and lazy bastards. Go jump in a hole.'

Just so I can put this whole rant into in perspective for you. This Christmas we bought gift cards for everyone on our list. Have a great day. ;)

This is Sparta!

I discovered this little image in the vastness that is the interweb and I found it quite humorous. If you have seen the movie '300' you will know why. Enjoy!

"Chinese Backstreet Boys"

Ok... So maybe I have too much time on my hands. Maybe I need help. Maybe Google Base is cool and interesting especially when you can search for videos. Especially when you can look for loathed Backstreet Boys videos. I do not know! Maybe my therapist does?

Ok, maybe not Backstreet Boys videos, but after some searching I did find an amusing video of Two Chinese Students lip synching to the BSB's "As Long As You Love Me" and "I Want It That Way". I am curious as to who the guy is in the back and what he is playing. I am assuming it is Counter Strike? I also happend to find an opposing video Chinese Backstreet Boys Get Served by Funky Munkyz. Not as interesting, but shows the "Chinese Backstreet Boys' are a little bit popular. Hell these Chinese Guys are everywhere.

The following are basically links to the same videos. The resolution or something might be different. I have not had the time to take a close look! The original link that I found no longer works, so I have collected a few more incase the first few vanish for you.

• I Want It That Way - II
• As long As You Love Me - II
• As long As You Love Me - III

The Rest of the Story

The rest of the story can be found on What Tian Has Learned with 3 more videos. They go by the name of The Back Dormitory Boys.

Just for fun I will throw in a couple of Danish Guys that were inspired by them with bloopers at the end.

WATER OR COKE?

This has hit my inbox as a Forward. The only reason I am going to post this is because I have a small and not so interesting story that goes with this.

When I was in the US Navy part of our glorified duties while stationed on the USS Enterprise in the Reactor Controls Division 22 (RC 22) was to strip and buff floors. Specifically, we were in charge of tending to was the XO's passage way amongst a few others. I was showing a newbie the process of stripping and waxing the floor at about 01:00 in the morning or so. We happen to run out of stripper and was not going to be able to get more until the morning, and this needed to be done tonight. I think the newbie had a can of Coke and we had a few stubborn spots that the striper was not going to take care of. So I told him to give me the can and I poured some of it on the trouble spots and we left for a few hours. We came back and finished the job. The Coke worked well. Using it is time consuming because of the wait, but it works. The other option that we had when stripper was not doing the job of removing wax from the floors. was AFFF which I have heard works well.

The email that was forwarded to me follows:

This is really an eye opener... Water or Coke? We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.

WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100%of the time;dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.

And now for the properties of COKE:

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola in! to the toilet bowl and let the "real thing"sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
8. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!